The Diamond Eye and Smasher Show
by FireEmblemKitsune
Summary: Master Hand "accidentally" hired a sassy sorceress to host a talk show. The show hosts many characters from both Melee and Brawl. He is not sure her made the right choice. With antics from both her and her friends, can the show go on? -DISCONTINUED forever ... i'm sorry-


**The Diamond Eye And Smash Show**

**A/N: If you have questions about any unfamiliar characters, leave me a review or a PM message. This is my first fanfic, so don't flame me. I'd like help though. Don't have a beta reader.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Smashers. Nintendo does, which means that I need to buy burglary tools. Shadow Rose owns all the rest of the characters. **

**A/N: Forgot to tell you, if you see words written in *s, they are talking under their breath. If it is in (), that means that they're not talking. Use your common sense. JK**

**Ch. 1- Roy**

**Sasha Lee (also the host): Hello and welcome to the Diamond Eye Smash Show. I am your host, Sasha Lee. Today, we will be interviewing the brawlers from SSB. Please help me welcome first to the stage, Roy of Pherae!**

**(A boy with red hair and blue eyes runs onto stage, nearly tripping over his feet in the process.)**

**Sasha: Hi Roy! I missed you. **

**(Jumps up and hugs Roy, who returns the hug reluctantly.)**

**Roy: I missed you too Sasha. I really did.**

**(Sasha smiles at Roy, who returns the smile warmly.)**

**Sasha: So how's being Dragon General Suiting you?**

**Roy: Pretty good. I'm of course kind of hurt that Nintendo didn't want to keep me. (Glares at MH, who's trying to restrain his brother, Crazy, but not succeeding very well.)**

**MH: It wasn't me who rejected you. I didn't put you down, *even if I wanted to***

**Roy: You were at the meeting! You just floated there and said nothing! You let them do whatever the hell they wanted with me! (His voice is shaking slightly, just like his shoulders.)**

**Sasha: It's okay Roy, I tried. I really did. They said that because I wasn't a Smasher, that my vote didn't count. **

**(She hugs him, trying to make him feel better.)**

**Roy: Thanks Sasha. I feel better knowing that at least someone tried.**

**Sasha: No prob Bob.**

**Roy: …?**

**Sasha: (sighs) It's a phrase Roy.**

**?: Duh, thought you'd figured that out dumbasss.**

**Sasha: Roy, what are you looking at?**

**(Roy is looking at something over her shoulder.**

**Roy: ...uh…**

**Sasha: What? Okay, who said that?**

**?: Me of course. (a guy with platinum blonde hair and moonstone eyes steps out of the shadows.)**

**Sasha: Do you have nothing else to do KYON?**

**KYON: Nope. (sits down in a black recliner in the corner.)**

**Roy: Who's that guy in the corner?**

**Sasha: Oh that's KYON. He's my friend. KYON, say hi to the camera!**

**(Young turns the camera to KYON, who doesn't say anything.)**

**Sasha: He says hi. He doesn't like to talk. Especially to people he doesn't know.**

**KYON: *Yeah, that's why.* (rolls his eyes)**

**Roy: Isn't he creepy? I mean… he's just, you know, THERE.**

**Sasha: (shrugs) Naw. He's awesome. I've known him for a long time.**

**MH: Who let him in? Hey buddy, get off the set. You aren't allowed to be here.**

**Sasha: Leave him there MH. He never did anything to you. He's nice and he's my friend so he can be here.**

**KYON: *I haven't done anything to him yet.***

**Roy: *Look at how she defends her friends. Wow, she is brave.***

**MH: Sasha, interview. Now!**

**Sasha: but-**

**MH: NOW!**

**Sasha: You just nearly kicked my friend offstage for nothing. He was just watching. You didn't have to be so mean. What did he do to you? Hmm? No one tells my friends what to do and then order me around like I'm their slave. (she puts her hands on her hips in a sassy pose.)**

**MH: What do you want me to do? Apologize?**

**Sasha: Exactly. (still standing in that sassy pose.)**

**MH: *I'm sorry.***

**Sasha: I didn't hear that.**

**MH: I'm sorry. There, now will you do your job?**

**Sasha: KYON, do you forgive him?**

**(KYON nods, not saying anything.)**

**Sasha: Ok then. So Roy, if you were still in Brawl, who would you include?**

**(The camera zooms to Roy's face, which wears a soft expression.)**

**Roy: (gently), …You.**

**Audience: Aaaaaaaahhhh.**

**Sasha: Thanks Roy, I appreciate that.**

**(Roy smiles sheepishly)**

**MH: Oh drop all the mushiness. You're making me sick. (Sasha glares at him.)**

**Sasha: Can't you have a heart sometimes? It's not every day that I get compliments like that. It means a lot to me.**

**MH: Uuum, I'm a HAND. We don't have hearts.**

**(Sasha, Roy, and YL facepalm. Suddenly, MH feels a hand on what would be his shoulder.)**

**MH: (gulp)**

**KYON: Lay off the girl. If you don't, I'll be having hand for lunch. (For emphasis, he pulls out a scythe out of know where.)**

**MH: SECURITY! SECURITY! GET THIS MADMAN OUT OF HERE! He is a maniac! He wants to eat me!**

**Sasha: You know that won't work. We hired the Plummer Boys as security. They're probably eating pasta somewhere.**

**(MH runs and hides behind his brother, Crazy.)**

**KYON: God, am I really that creepy?**

**Sasha: …Sometimes You can be quite creepy.**

**(KYON shrugs and sits down.) **

**KYON: Oh right then. Go ahead then. Continue. Go on.**

**(Sasha turns around) **

**Sasha: Oh right then. So Roy, why would you include me? I'm not even Nintendo. Shadow Rose and Fire Emblem created me. So why?**

**Roy: You've got to admit: you're a pretty damn good sorceress. Shadow Rose should sell you to Nintendo.**

**(audience gasps, and KYON facepalms along with MH)**

**Sasha: Um Roy, no one was supposed to know that.**

**Roy:… Oh crap! I'm sorry. Please forgive me! I was stupid.**

**KYON: You said it.**

**MH: Nice one Roy. You managed to screw up on live TV. I thought you were smarter than that.**

**KYON: Yeah right, you've got to be kidding if you thought he was anything but smart.**

**Sasha: Leave him alone. He made a mistake. That doesn't mean that he's stupid. (she gives him a hug, assuring him that she forgives him,)**

**MH: Sasha, get on with it.**

**Sasha: I'm trying, but you two keep getting on my nerves.**

**MH: Oh yeah, what you gonna do about it?**

**Roy: I think the politically correct way to say it is "what are you going to do about it", not "what you gonna do about it".**

**MH: Roy guess what?**

**Roy: What?**

**MH: Shut up.**

**Sasha: I'm getting tired of this. And what I'm going to do about this is this. (pulls out her cell phone. She dials a number. KYON's phone begins to ring. For some reason, the ringtone is the Mexican hat dance.)**

**KYON: Gotta take this. (leaves)**

**Sasha: Yes, please send my lawyer down to the set. Yes it's Sasha. No I won't pay you in donuts. I'll pay you in chocolate later. Ok bye. (closes phone) He'll be here in a minute.**

**MH: I'm not scared of any lawyers.**

**Sasha: *you will be, oh you will be.***

**(A suited KYON carrying a briefcase and wearing a badge that reads- LAWYER, walks in. MH gulps)**

**MH: But I am scared of that lawyer.**

**KYON: Now why are you bothering my client?**

**MH: …Because I have nothing else to do. And … because I didn't take my anti-depressant pills.**

**KYON: OBJECTION! I don't know anything about that, and I frankly don't give a damn. But I do know one thing.**

**Sasha: And that is?**

**KYON: I know for a fact that you and Roy are going out! (He points accusingly at them.)**

**(audience gasps)**

**Sasha and Roy: … **

**Sasha: You have no proof.**

**KYON: So true, so true. I'll be back. I'm going to retrieve the evidence.**

**Sasha: I thought you were on my side!**

**KYON: I do not work for just anyone.**

**Sasha: I've been your friend since we were five.**

**KYON: (puts a finger to his chin.) True, so true.**

**MH: Ok, enough with the court crap. Get on with the interview.**

**KYON: I will not be silenced!**

**Sasha: (gets up and whispers in KYON's ear. *there's a demon outside.* He takes off.) Okay, so what?**

**MH: INTERVIEW!**

**Sasha: Yeesh, no need to be so harsh.**

**(MH facepalms.)**

**Roy: I have a question.**

**Sasha: Hmmm?**

**Roy: How'd you get hired.**

**MH: Don't get me started. It was horrible-**

**Sasha: He was asking me. You were asking me, right?**

**Roy: Of course.**

**Sasha: Well, MH was taking people's resumes and I decided: why not? So I went and gave him the resume-**

**MH: Worst day of my life.**

**Sasha: Then he rejected me, saying I wasn't good enough. I said ok and was on my way. Then I had an idea! Why not give Crazy a gift for being a good little hand all day? So I went to the candy store and bought a huge-ass bag of candy. I went back and MH let me through, not checking the bag-**

**MH: One of the biggest mistakes of my life.**

**Sasha: And Crazy hired me on the spot. He said that they were looking for someone like me. Someone loyal, charming, and adorable looking. (she smiles cutely at Roy, who blushes.)**

**MH: I wanted to hire YL. He was adorable from head to toe. But no, I got stuck with a sassy ass girl. I told Crazy not to hire her, but nooooo Pikachu knows everything!**

**Pikachu: I know I do. (runs off to find his trainer.)**

**Roy: He made a good choice.**

**Sasha: Thanks Roy, that means a lot coming from you.**

**MH: *why? Because he's your boyfriend?***

**Sasha: Oh That's it! (pulls a hammer out of her infinite storage bag.) Time for a little game of Whack-A-Hand! **

**(starts chasing MH. KYON returns at that moment, carrying two churros.)**

**KYON: Want one?**

**Roy: Hell yes, I love these.**

**(KYON and Roy sit down and start watching the chase.)**

**KYON and Roy: GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!**

**(Young turns the camera on himself.)**

**YL: We will be back after this commercial break.**

**(His tiny hand covers the screen of the camera so the viewers at home do not see Sasha beat the living hand out of MH.)**

**END!**

**Hope you guys liked it. Let me know. Review! Review! I will update if I get at least two reviews. I promise. (pweese? For me?) gives all puppy dog look.**

**Roy: Oh she's so adorable when she does that. 'mere 'mere, I just want to hug you! (starts chasing Sasha.)**


End file.
